Dear Lily, Macie, Hunter and Alexa:
I am sorry that I will not be there for you when you need me. I won’t be there for you on the days you just need someone to talk to. When you are hurting so bad and feel like you have no one, you won’t have me either. The sad truth is that Auntie Dani loves you guys so much but she just needed to always feel good instantly so she chose alcohol and a life of listening to her ego over loving you and herself and everything and everyone that ever meant anything to her. I am sorry that you may think you are less important to me because I chose these things over you. I want you to know that I love you all so much. You mean the world to me. I would do anything for you, almost anything, but I am sorry I can’t stop drinking. I wanted to be such a good example to all of you of the way to really live life…to find true happiness, love yourself and others, to be honest and caring, and maybe most importantly, peaceful inside. This is all I want for you but I couldn’t get it. I wanted you to see that enjoying the simplest things in life is what living really is. When I think of the four of you my heart and my eyes light up. I am so sorry that I failed you. My hope is that one day you will be able to learn these things on your own and live a life of true peace and happiness. I am sorry that I chose denial, instant gratification and superficiality over being a living example to all of you.