​I never hesitate to admit that I probably initially got sober for the wrong reasons.  I figured I could be even better at my job, and it would be easier to aim for perfection in all areas without the distraction of my drinking.  One huge area that I wanted perfection in was my body.  Its also worth mentioning that eating and weight disorders are directly related to addiction issues. My particular theory was if I quit drinking I would never wakeup hung-over, and therefore never skip the gym, or have anything other than a consistent, amazing workout.  I figured I would eat nothing but leafy greens and power proteins and ease my way into a size 2 jeans in no time.  So I’m sure you know what’s coming next…the whole…it didn’t play out that way….and it soooooo didn’t.  In my first year of recovery I gained 10 pounds and continued to stuff my face with sugar and simple carbs.  Before I quit drinking I prided myself on the fact that I NEVER liked sweets. I would go around touting, “Oh, I’m not a sweets person.”  That’s just because I was consuming the sugar equivalent of two pints of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream every night in wine, vodka, or tequila.  I was absolutely a sweets person but I didn’t realize it was all coming through my alcohol!
If you are ready to cry your eyes out because Jan 1 was going to be the end of your drinking and the beginning of your new body, please read on!  The good news is your body will be healing over time on levels you cannot begin to understand and in ways you never even thought of (adrenals, hormones, cortisol, serotonin, dopamine, etc.).  The bad news is just like every other part of an addict’s world; it won’t ever seem soon enough for you.  What I do know in dealing with addiction is that my body, mind, and spirit had a whole lot of healing to do, and still does.  When I was finally so determined to get sober, everything else had to come last even if it meant a pint of cookie dough ice cream was a necessity instead of drinking. 
I am in my third year of recovery now and have finally been able to see with acute awareness how sugar and simple carbs make me feel horrible, not just immediately after consumption, but even for days after.  I am also leveling out as far as truly understanding what type of workouts my body needs.  I was a college athlete who just assumed I needed to continue pounding my body.  What I have come to understand is that when I work out that hard I eat double the food to make up for it.  After years of brutal self-talk and the “no pain no gain” approach, I am learning that my body thanks me when I use the softer approach of yoga, running, some weights, and lighter foods.  When I take the time to meditate in the morning or even to sit and feel what my body needs, I am better able to address it accordingly.  None of this was possible with alcohol in my life and not really even in super early recovery. 
For me, dealing with addiction and every other aspect of my life now is about doing the inside job first, and having the patience for the outside stuff to follow.  The goal is to have a loving and healthy dialogue with my body instead of just pounding it into the pavement to look good.  Something else that has helped in my understanding of addiction, is that typically when my addict mind thinks I am taking a shortcut, it ends up that path is actually the long and painful one.  Choosing the slow and steady way to heal my body is finally paying off.  

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I have had exercise induced asthma my entire life and when I get a cold it stops me in my tracks.  I cough so bad that I become scared to move for fear of aggravating it.  As someone in recovery who has given up any external chemicals for stress release, exercise is a critical piece of my life.  A good workout releases the same chemicals that make us feel good from drinking or drug use.  Well, due to the cough, it had basically been a month since my last workout.  Here is the deal, I could have done more yoga, I could have lifted weights, but I still struggle with all or nothing, black or white behavior. Regardless of what I should have done, the fact of the matter is I didn’t, and then became faced with the “Getting Started Again” dilemma, as I have been so many times in my life.  What I have come to realize is that in the Getting Started phase, I morph back into a young girl, probably about 13 years old who is terrified of letting any of her coaches down.  I remember being taken off the field at 14 in the softball world series for dropping a ball.  I can’t even count the times I had been yelled at or berated by a coach in all my years playing sports.  I was on my way to a new kickboxing class today for day one and the good old motor in my head started up with a vengeance. “Maybe I can start tomorrow”, If I don’t like the vibe there I won’t go back”, “I’m walking 3 miles today isn’t that enough?”.  I can’t tell you how close I was to skipping class.  But I know better these days.  FEAR for me means F#!k Everything And Run, and I am a runner.  What I know now is that every day I continue to run, and this applies to anything in life, the more difficult it becomes to get back to where I started.  I went into that class today, and the woman at the front desk was rude, I was terrified everyone was in better shape than me, and I was scared I looked stupid, but I smiled and I finished the class.  It makes me sad when I think of that little girl who is still playing small in some ways and is scared to push through her fears entirely.  It makes me sad that a collegiate athlete could still have so many horrible things to say to herself when it comes to fitness.  But now I work on progress and not perfection and that means I address myself with firm compassion.  Feelings are not facts.  It’s completely ok to be scared, but it’s not ok to run.  There is no excuse at this point in the game.  Every second I deny myself the opportunity to face a fear I am chipping away at my self worth and digging a great big hole in my self esteem.  Now I am good to go back to working out instead of making it two months, or even three of avoiding it.  Just remember, as Jack Canfield says, everything you want is on the other side of fear!!!


RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services.

Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Managemen