​I never hesitate to admit that I probably initially got sober for the wrong reasons.  I figured I could be even better at my job, and it would be easier to aim for perfection in all areas without the distraction of my drinking.  One huge area that I wanted perfection in was my body.  Its also worth mentioning that eating and weight disorders are directly related to addiction issues. My particular theory was if I quit drinking I would never wakeup hung-over, and therefore never skip the gym, or have anything other than a consistent, amazing workout.  I figured I would eat nothing but leafy greens and power proteins and ease my way into a size 2 jeans in no time.  So I’m sure you know what’s coming next…the whole…it didn’t play out that way….and it soooooo didn’t.  In my first year of recovery I gained 10 pounds and continued to stuff my face with sugar and simple carbs.  Before I quit drinking I prided myself on the fact that I NEVER liked sweets. I would go around touting, “Oh, I’m not a sweets person.”  That’s just because I was consuming the sugar equivalent of two pints of Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream every night in wine, vodka, or tequila.  I was absolutely a sweets person but I didn’t realize it was all coming through my alcohol!
If you are ready to cry your eyes out because Jan 1 was going to be the end of your drinking and the beginning of your new body, please read on!  The good news is your body will be healing over time on levels you cannot begin to understand and in ways you never even thought of (adrenals, hormones, cortisol, serotonin, dopamine, etc.).  The bad news is just like every other part of an addict’s world; it won’t ever seem soon enough for you.  What I do know in dealing with addiction is that my body, mind, and spirit had a whole lot of healing to do, and still does.  When I was finally so determined to get sober, everything else had to come last even if it meant a pint of cookie dough ice cream was a necessity instead of drinking. 
I am in my third year of recovery now and have finally been able to see with acute awareness how sugar and simple carbs make me feel horrible, not just immediately after consumption, but even for days after.  I am also leveling out as far as truly understanding what type of workouts my body needs.  I was a college athlete who just assumed I needed to continue pounding my body.  What I have come to understand is that when I work out that hard I eat double the food to make up for it.  After years of brutal self-talk and the “no pain no gain” approach, I am learning that my body thanks me when I use the softer approach of yoga, running, some weights, and lighter foods.  When I take the time to meditate in the morning or even to sit and feel what my body needs, I am better able to address it accordingly.  None of this was possible with alcohol in my life and not really even in super early recovery. 
For me, dealing with addiction and every other aspect of my life now is about doing the inside job first, and having the patience for the outside stuff to follow.  The goal is to have a loving and healthy dialogue with my body instead of just pounding it into the pavement to look good.  Something else that has helped in my understanding of addiction, is that typically when my addict mind thinks I am taking a shortcut, it ends up that path is actually the long and painful one.  Choosing the slow and steady way to heal my body is finally paying off.  

RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge                                                     substance use disorder services.

     Advanced Intervention - Recovery Coaching - Family Support Services 
                  Case Management -Sober Companions - DUI/OUI Support 
            Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management Management 

Over the last six months I have been a bit more in the shadows than usual.  There have been very few blogs, minimal speaking engagements, and no boasting about random accolades.  I’ve been prepared to write this post when the time was right, and it feels like now.  There are a lot of things about recovery that we don’t really give thought to when we are hanging on in the very beginning.  For me, this journey has been about unpeeling all the layers of BS and learning who I am, what I love, and what my sacred contract on this particular journey is all about. 
            After nearly two years of sobriety this past spring, I was blessed with the gift of a new life in my belly.  I always planned on having a family.  I mean, that’s what people do…get a job, make money, get married, have kids and live happily ever after…right?  It didn’t work out that smoothly, at least for me.  Once I found out I was pregnant I was devastated.  It occurred to me that I was doing this for my husband who had been nothing but loving and supportive over the last 10 years, especially through my early recovery.  There was SO MUCH shame for me, hating myself for being sober and STILL not recognizing my truth. How was I not “farther along??”  Then there was the guilt of “ruining my husband’s life” not just by being an alcoholic, but also now to tell him that I didn’t feel ready for a family, and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to be married. It was horrible on so many levels.
            We went through 11 weeks of highs, lows, therapy, and lots of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream.  Seeing and hearing the heartbeat at the first ultrasound was surreal but I could tell the technician was uneasy and that something wasn’t right.  They brought us into a room and told us that the levels were not where they should be and that we would need to return in one week.  There had been a whole lot of soul searching up to that point and my husband and I could both see the writing on the wall if this pregnancy didn’t make it.  A week later there was no heartbeat and a month after that I moved into an apartment alone.
            When dealing with addiction many people have to hit rock bottom and lose everything.  Today with so much more awareness just as many people don’t.  I hadn’t lost everything. But when you spend your whole life building up a story on a false foundation, there is a daunting amount of work that has to go into deconstructing, in the hopes of one day building again on a healthy foundation.  There were so many days romanticizing my addictive behaviors of partying and obsessive working.  “None of this would be my reality if I stayed in the fog.” But the truth is, there IS no reality in the fog.
            There would months of waking up in the morning and praying for the universe to help me put one foot in front of the other and to stay away from distractions of any kind.  I turned down offers this summer for roles and opportunities that would have brought my ego a lot of satisfaction.  I got sober to stop reaching outward for inner peace in ANY way, not just with substances.  The time had come to go inside.  So I have gone inside, and I am there…in the pit, where the knitty gritty work has to be done.  And its haaaaaaard.  It’s lonely.  It’s painful.  It’s inconsistent.  But I am recognizing that in this pit is where I have to go to live a truly free and genuine life.
            One day in the car a few months ago I asked my husband (he knew I was sharing all of this as its partially his story to tell) what he thought would happen with us and he said he honestly had no idea.  As far as what my life looks like one year from now, I too, have no idea.  But I am grateful that I have stayed present to walk through this with clarity and honesty.  This post isn’t about sympathy or attention.  It’s about transparency.  My professional bio paints the picture of “perfection” and “awesomeness” in sobriety, however THIS period has been about having the courage to let go of what my story is going to look like and how I think it needs to be.

 RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge                                                     substance use disorder services.

     Advanced Intervention - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services 
                  Case Management -Sober Companions - DUI/OUI Support 
            Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management Management 

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make when their son, daughter, spouse, parent, etc. is in treatment for addictive behaviors is forget about the work they need to do on themselves.  It is very easy to get caught up in the drama of what to say when Aunt Joan asks where Suzie is or why brother Bill is blaming his parents for letting his sister’s problem get so bad.  But here is the reality, none of this actually matters and it is completely counterproductive to the family getting well.  We can only control what we can control and if we want to be supportive to the family member dealing with addiction we need to do all of the work we possibly can on ourselves until they return and then beyond.  This includes reading books on understanding addiction, seeking out family counseling and coaching (ideally not to be combined), attending appropriate support groups, and being able to get brutally honest with ourselves.  “Suzie” has just committed to going to treatment…typically THE single most courageous and profound decision someone can have on their life and a family legacy.  The rest of the family needs to do some of the same work.  If you want to understand what your loved one is dealing with, try giving up one of your crutches for a week, be it sugar, exercise, etc.  Journal on your feelings and emotions during this period and reflect on the idea of someone telling you this decision has to be permanent.  Then go into a candy shop where everyone is promoting the use of sugar (as our society promotes the use and abuse of alcohol) and acknowledge your resolve after the fact. Scary, isn’t it? Overwhelming? This is just a tiny snapshot of what your loved one is dealing with and will continue to work through when they return home.  There is a lot of commitment that has to go into getting well.  My question to families is if you can’t even read the 3 books recommended and commit to the necessary support groups and assistance twice a week, how do you expect your loved on to do it every day? And my response to that is you can’t!  

  RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge                                                     substance use disorder services.

     Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services - Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management

Let me start by qualifying myself here: I risked my career by going into treatment, paid about $14,000 out of my savings account for said treatment, and sold my car to sign up for a $15,000 coaching program in my first year of recovery. Insurance only covered detox, which I needed in order to get into a residential treatment facility. While I don’t expect everyone to go out, cash in their savings and sell their car, I do see a major gap between what people expect their life to be like and what they are willing to sacrifice to get it. On the other hand, there are thousands of fear-mongering and marketing-savvy addiction service organizations out there just sucking money out of the pockets of families, promising them a quick fix from the chronic plague of addiction. Below are five things you absolutely need to know before you invest in addiction treatment services:

1. Put Recovery First – Whether for you or for a family member, as long as your plan is well thought out and you aren’t selling all of your earthly possessions, investing in recovery services should be a top priority. It can be troubling to hear people say that they cannot afford a few thousand dollars when their or another human life is on the line. Typically, the high-functioning alcoholic or addict will scoff at the price tag on addiction treatment services...all while driving around in a nice car, wearing brand-name clothes, taking vacations, and dining out. Let me tell you one thing: without good recovery we have nothing. Good recovery and self -development services are priceless! Not only are you investing in a person, but you are also creating a ripple effect to improve the lives of this person’s entire social and family unit! You can’t put a price tag on a life, and – more importantly – if you do, you run the high risk of losing that life altogether.

That being said, investing in just any addiction treatment or self-development program can be just as risky. Which brings me to my next point…

2. Understand What is Being Promised – Dealing with addiction is one of the most emotionally charged situations you’ll ever have to face-off against. I see too many families panic, go after a “quick fix” and invest a lot of money in addiction services that are hyped up to the max by a slick marketing organization. Let me repeat, these services specialize in marketing, not the wellbeing of you, your son, daughter or other loved one. Sadly, there is no quick fix when it comes to addictive behaviors, and these funds could be utilized in a much more efficient way.

3. Recognize that Addiction is a Chronic Illness – Today, addiction is most often treated as an acute illness: people wait until their disease is life threatening before taking action. Can you imagine doing this with any other physical or mental illness? I was highly self-aware and understood the progression of this illness enough to seek professional help before I lost external things, got a DUI, or caused my family more unnecessary pain, etc. 

Also, in the same way as many other chronic illnesses, there is no cure. Addiction doesn’t just go away after 30-days in a posh rehab. Treatment needs to be very customized and handled on a case-by-case basis. We invest so much money in detox and a 28-day program, but typically fail to come up with a strong, long-term continuum of care. This can be compared to going into remission for cancer without scheduling regular check-ups. It’s a futile and risky practice at best. Considering halfway and sober houses, professional counseling, or an addiction coach or sober companion can help keep you or your loved one on the right path.


4. Private Services May Be Your Best Option – I recently had someone tell me that she was grateful for our services because we weren’t doing more of the “same.” What she meant was that we don’t offer sub-par services that are paid for by insurance companies and executed by employees who are barely compensated for their time. Unfortunately, this happens more often than not. Ask anyone at a treatment center or outpatient program and they will probably tell you that their entire staff is spread incredibly thin and doing what they can with the little that they have. As we often say in recovery, half measures avail us nothing. Our goal is to be able to treat every single person who needs help without sacrificing the quality of our services. Money (or the lack thereof) neither deflates nor encourages us: we do what we do because we love doing it…and we’re pretty great at it, too!


5. You Will Never Regret It! – What you will regret is jumping the gun and making hasty decisions; spending tens of thousands of dollars without consulting with anyone who has actually been there before. Find people you trust and ¬– if you don’t know any in the recovery world – find them. With their support you’ll make better decisions. When you make smart and thoughtful investments and implement a plan designed to help you or your loved ones overcome addiction and aid in self-development, you will always, always win!

     RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge                                                     substance use disorder services.

     Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management