Tonight. But I was coming home from the gym, not the bar. And I was not drunk driving. Three years ago at this time I would have been well on my way to a good buzz and you see, I thought I was also the world’s greatest drunk driver. Invincible. Every day I thank the universe that I never physically injured anyone during this incredibly reckless time in my life. Addiction is a horrible thing. It’s the only disease that tries to convince you that you don’t have a disease. I thought my drinking was normal because everyone I surrounded myself with partied like I did, but it didn’t make it right. All I can say is I am completely grateful to be able to look a cop in the eye without fear of going to jail. I have replaced negative addictive behaviors with positive activities. I have overcome some major obstacles that presented themselves when I was most vulnerable. I have started a business to help others overcome addiction and behaviors they continue to do despite the negative consequences. I have changed my life. I no longer need go to bed on New Years Eve knowing that any resolutions I make will fail within a month. Now because I am in recovery, and because I am sober, I can face anything and everything that comes my way. I am grateful that tonight I did not get a ticket for going less than 10 miles over the speed limit. But I am more grateful that I was reminded of how far I have come and the fact that no one else is in danger this evening because of my decisions. Please, be safe tonight, and if you are ready to face your life on life’s terms and need some help, I hope to hear from you.
RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services. Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management
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![]() I have had exercise induced asthma my entire life and when I get a cold it stops me in my tracks. I cough so bad that I become scared to move for fear of aggravating it. As someone in recovery who has given up any external chemicals for stress release, exercise is a critical piece of my life. A good workout releases the same chemicals that make us feel good from drinking or drug use. Well, due to the cough, it had basically been a month since my last workout. Here is the deal, I could have done more yoga, I could have lifted weights, but I still struggle with all or nothing, black or white behavior. Regardless of what I should have done, the fact of the matter is I didn’t, and then became faced with the “Getting Started Again” dilemma, as I have been so many times in my life. What I have come to realize is that in the Getting Started phase, I morph back into a young girl, probably about 13 years old who is terrified of letting any of her coaches down. I remember being taken off the field at 14 in the softball world series for dropping a ball. I can’t even count the times I had been yelled at or berated by a coach in all my years playing sports. I was on my way to a new kickboxing class today for day one and the good old motor in my head started up with a vengeance. “Maybe I can start tomorrow”, If I don’t like the vibe there I won’t go back”, “I’m walking 3 miles today isn’t that enough?”. I can’t tell you how close I was to skipping class. But I know better these days. FEAR for me means F#!k Everything And Run, and I am a runner. What I know now is that every day I continue to run, and this applies to anything in life, the more difficult it becomes to get back to where I started. I went into that class today, and the woman at the front desk was rude, I was terrified everyone was in better shape than me, and I was scared I looked stupid, but I smiled and I finished the class. It makes me sad when I think of that little girl who is still playing small in some ways and is scared to push through her fears entirely. It makes me sad that a collegiate athlete could still have so many horrible things to say to herself when it comes to fitness. But now I work on progress and not perfection and that means I address myself with firm compassion. Feelings are not facts. It’s completely ok to be scared, but it’s not ok to run. There is no excuse at this point in the game. Every second I deny myself the opportunity to face a fear I am chipping away at my self worth and digging a great big hole in my self esteem. Now I am good to go back to working out instead of making it two months, or even three of avoiding it. Just remember, as Jack Canfield says, everything you want is on the other side of fear!!! RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services. Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Managemen There are numerous ways that those of us with addictive behaviors and tendencies continue to self-sabotage, long after a drink or drug is out of the picture. One such way is when we over promise and under deliver. If you do this, make the commitment to yourself to stop IMMEDIATELY, like this minute. Stop pretending that people can’t see through your BS. Doing this is a direct reflection of your self-worth and how you show up to life. If you make commitments and don’t stick to your word, if you say you will be somewhere at a certain time and show up late, you are really saying, “ Well, self, I don’t think we are worthy of follow through, so therefore nothing else in our life is either.” Let’s also take into consideration respect for the other parties involved. Your word is your bond not only to others but also to yourself. I have known many people working on recovery who are chronically late or don’t do what they say they will do. Your inability to set healthy boundaries with yourself and others such as “ I need to go now or I’m going to be late for my plans” is really giving a big fat F-You to the person you are late to.
So how do we fix this you ask? Make the commitment from this point forward to under promise and over deliver, and work on it. When we are not in active addiction it is imperative for the motor between our ears to quiet down and slow down. Once we slow ourselves down, it becomes easier to maintain a schedule and know when to say “yes” and when to say “NO”. If it’s not a “Hell Yes” it should be a “Hell NO”! You can do it! Progress, not perfection! RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services. Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management Tonight on the news there was a report about 1 in 10 binge drinkers only being "problem drinkers" and not "alcoholic". As I have always said, in the end for me, I was sick of trying to "define" if I was or wasn't an alcoholic. It was about me knowing that I deserved more from the world and the world deserved more from me. Forget stats and definitions, each and every one of us knows deep down if we are being %100 honest with ourselves or not. For me, regardless of everything I lost in early sobriety, I still was able to wake up (for the first time in my life) knowing I was true to myself. It didn't matter what worked or didn't work for anyone else. The lies and justifications I told myself were NOT working towards me living to my highest potential. In my mind, that is addiction, as Tommy Rosen says "Any behavior that you continue to engage in despite the negative consequences that the behavior leaves in its wake". And that's accurate enough for me. People can call it what they want, and they can also choose to exist for their entire life in a fog. But I have decided that's not for me, and I couldn't be more grateful that I took that leap of faith.
If you are looking for help on an intervention, or learning how to overcome addiction, call or email us today! 774-329-4393 [email protected] ![]() WOW! Kudos to you Kara Sowles for writing an awesome article about how the business world, specifically here high tech companies, can better manage events to include people who do not drink alcohol. Not only does the corporate world exclude those who don’t drink alcohol, but it also encourages members to become involved in world of sex, partying and secrets, while preying upon the young women in the industry, and I am glad it’s being called out. As an Executive Recovery Coach and Interventionist, I see lives where the partying behavior of a spouse who justifies it because he “is supporting the family” wreaks havoc on an entire family unit. I am willing to bet that the majority of people, especially in the tech industry, will not want to consider the non-aloholic options because it shines a light on a truth that they refuse to acknowledge. If they acknowledge it, of course that means that each of them would have to take a closer look at themselves and their own reality of a drinking problem or addictive behaviors. Read Kara's article Alcohol and Inclusivity: Planning Tech Events with Non-Alcoholic Options. RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services. Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services - Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management ![]() I attended The Catholic University of America. As a freshman on Halloween I was ecstatic to dress as a pregnant nun. There was something powerful about being so “out there” with something that could be viewed as so shameful. I wanted people to be uncomfortable with their own judgments. Now, years later I am deeply troubled by the constant shame I see working as recovery coach and interventionist. From the man mortified that his place of employment has uncovered his past history of abusing pain pills, to the mother who refuses to be seen at an Alanon Meeting for support with her daughters drug addiction, shame proliferates in the world of addictive behaviors. Guilt is different; it is feeling bad for wrong behaviors, and can actually keep us aligned with doing the right thing. But shame is part of how we ended up drinking, drugging, eating, or passing down unhealthy family legacies in the first place. In the words of Brene Brown, “ I define shame as the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging – something we’ve experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection. I don’t believe shame is helpful or productive. In fact, I think shame is much more likely to be the source of destructive, hurtful behavior than the solution or cure. I think the fear of disconnection can make us dangerous.” I was not embarrassed to ask for leave from my place of employment so I could go to treatment. I had a drinking problem. This was my truth. I was seeking help to fix the problem; there is NO shame in that. I want people to start recognizing shaming behavior in themselves and as they interact with others. If you have shaming tendencies, follow Brene Brown, and start to free yourself and the people around you! RealYou Revolution, LLC. is New England's premier resource for cutting edge substance use disorder services. Advanced Intervention - Sober Companions - Recovery Coaches - Family Support Services Case Management -DUI/OUI Support - Anger Management Assistance - Food Addiction -Self Esteem Development - Anxiety Management Anyone who knows me understands that just because I quit drinking does not mean I hate alcohol or think it should be banned from the universe. There are plenty of people who can enjoy alcohol in a healthy way. I will say that the wreckage I have seen since entering the recovery world does make me view it differently. I also believe the truth is that we as a society are conditioned to drink too much and at times glorify addictive behaviors. This article “How Normal Is Your Drinking” by Daniel Engber is a great read that I highly recommend to everyone!
Traditional signs of alcoholism often provide too little information, too late. Every alcoholic is considered “high functioning” at some point in his or her drinking. For those who drink too much or are on the path, situational awareness can be virtually non-existent. Let me put that in street language for you, drunk people have been known to act like morons, thinking it is completely acceptable behavior in their “unrealities” of “Buzzville”. It’s a common phenomenon to hear someone in recovery relive mortifying drunk-a-logs while shaking their head in disbelief about the behavior they once deemed acceptable. These Live Tweets from a Modern Family Editor sitting behind a trashed airplane passenger are a perfect example. The tweets make me cringe and bring back way too many personal experiences. Apparently because the passenger seems to have a happening life (and a major arrogance issue) she thinks she can’t have a problem. WRONG. So before cheering on that token party animal in your crowd, you may just want to think twice about what they are struggling with behind closed doors, or the inevitability that’s to come.
-Know anyone in Boston who could use cutting edge Intervention or Recovery Support? Call us at 774-329-4393 or email me personally at [email protected] Because I was making a ton of money and life looked good from the outside, it was easy to tell myself the addictive behaviors weren’t that bad. The turning point came when I decided I deserved more from the world and the world deserved more from me. Although my life was “ok”, it was by no means enviable (especially on the inside) and I always believed there had to be so much more. One of the most valuable things I did was identify at least 4 women who had what I wanted. This list of wants included confidence, serenity, financial freedom, and happiness, just to name a few. I made little progress going into a 12 step meeting early on and comparing myself to all the people I either didn’t relate to or thought I was better than in some way. Humility has been a critical life skill, but that’s a whole other blog topic. What did work for me was going to different meetings until I could find that handful of women who I aspired to be more like. Something as simple as spending time with them, listening (and talking way less) to what worked for them in their life, and emulating more of their mindset and actions was the “fake it till you make it” strategy I needed. And guess what, you don’t just find them in a 12 step meeting, although it was easier for me to find people there with the serenity I was looking for, who also knew how to do something I was still figuring out. Instead of obsessing about what you don’t want to give up, obsess about what you want to become!!! I still make sure to always have that handful of exceptional people to learn from. I do that by meeting new people all the time and showing up fully present for my life. We are never beyond learning. To kick start your own admiration campaign, here are just a few Awesome Women Who Don’t Drink or Get High.
For Intervention services, recovery coaching or other addiction support call 774-329-4393. Regardless of how much information we have on understanding addiction, some people seem to feel safer remaining in a state of denial. This makes sense because not having to change is EASY! As a recovery coach working with both addicts and their loved ones, I like clients to be armed with as much scientific information as possible leaving less room for opinion. Loved ones are constantly haunted with the question of how to stop addiction. Although it does not fix the problem, we do have plenty of information today on addictive behaviors and why people can’t just STOP drinking, drugging, or even eating. This fascinating explanation of a chemical in our brain called THIQ and how it works in the mind of an addict vs. someone without addictive behaviors may just make you feel some sanity today about why you can’t FIX your loved one or why you can’t get well on your own!
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about the master coachDanielle, the Founder & Master Coach of RealYou Revolution, is a woman in long term recovery with a passion for helping others overcome their own personal demons – whatever they may be.
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