What To Do When Your Loved One Is In Treatment

One of the biggest mistakes I see people make when their son, daughter, spouse, parent, etc. is in treatment for addictive behaviors is forget about the work they need to do on themselves.  It is very easy to get caught up in the drama of what to say when Aunt Joan asks where Suzie is or why brother Bill is blaming his parents for letting his sister’s problem get so bad.  But here is the reality, none of this actually matters and it is completely counterproductive to the family getting well.  We can only control what we can control and if we want to be supportive to the family member dealing with addiction we need to do all of the work we possibly can on ourselves until they return and then beyond.  This includes reading books on understanding addiction, seeking out family counseling and coaching (ideally not to be combined), attending appropriate support groups, and being able to get brutally honest with ourselves.  “Suzie” has just committed to going to treatment…typically THE single most courageous and profound decision someone can have on their life and a family legacy.  The rest of the family needs to do some of the same work.  If you want to understand what your loved one is dealing with, try giving up one of your crutches for a week, be it sugar, exercise, etc.  Journal on your feelings and emotions during this period and reflect on the idea of someone telling you this decision has to be permanent.  Then go into a candy shop where everyone is promoting the use of sugar (as our society promotes the use and abuse of alcohol) and acknowledge your resolve after the fact. Scary, isn’t it? Overwhelming? This is just a tiny snapshot of what your loved one is dealing with and will continue to work through when they return home.  There is a lot of commitment that has to go into getting well.  My question to families is if you can’t even read the 3 books recommended and commit to the necessary support groups and assistance twice a week, how do you expect your loved on to do it every day? And my response to that is you can’t!  

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